Good news, everyone! Tennessee has finally decided that women who breastfeed their babies past one year are no longer dirty, shameful, criminal weirdos! You see, it used to be against the law to breastfeed a human older than one year in public. No seriously – for reals. But our current legislature is apparently bored out of their minds since they have fixed the economy, created a bajillion new jobs, and generally created a new glorious era of peace and prosperity and has turned to fixing past embarrassments. Or maybe they are on Step 9. Who knows. It’s still something, I suppose.
To honor this monumental moment in not-being-freaking-stupid history, I’ve decided to institute the SDH Award for Underwhelming Achievements in the Field of Mediocrity — the UAFM Award. So now, anytime someone does the bare minimum their job requires, or doesn’t go any further than absolutely necessary, or opts not to totally suck, that person may be the lucky recipient of the SDH UAFM Award.
And I feel that UAFM are best rewarded with the Gravy of Mediocrity. So, Tennessee Legislature, I officially award you the SDH Award for Underwhelming Achievements in the Field of Mediocrity. Please accept this Gravy of Mediocrity in recognition for your incredibly basic act of not being complete and total jackholes.