It’s been a morning of dealing with clients via phone. I am not thrilled about this. I have a settlement that is taking WAY too long to get ironed out, opposing counsel who cannot return a phone call inside of 3 weeks, and a client who is batshit angry/crazy. Note, these are 3 different cases. And while I usually enjoy insane, shouty, hysterical voicemails over a mandatory HIPAA release that are left at 8:15 a.m. on my cell phone, I find little joy in them right now. Between the lack of sleep, the fact that this bullshit should have been done months ago, and the GIANT FETUS doing the running man in my uterus, you could say I’ve lost my sense of humor.
So in the meantime, I’m going to try to peace out and think about getting my shit together and packing a hospital bag for myself. Which, having been through this twice already, I can say is an exercise in futility and timewastery. The only things you REALLY need to bring? Lip balm and thick socks. If you’re feeling organizey, toss in a razor and one of those scrubby mesh thingies and some GOOD body lotion. Also some big sweats you never want to see again, a large zip up hoodie, and whatever low-cut maternity tshirt you hate the least. If you are the connected type, make sure to bring your various chargers. Batteries. And more socks.
And other, say, non-maternity clothes? Yeah….no. I remember that I brought my favorite hippie shirt and cut-off jeans to the hospital with me when I went in to have K. Seriously? What the fuck was I thinking? I ended up wearing the same outfit home that I wore coming in. With Luli, I brought some nice new large pjs — which yes, they fit, but did I really want to wear them post-childbirth and ruin them forever? No.
If you want to get something special to wear in the hospital while you lounge in soft-lit, halcyon maternal bliss, seriously, buy a nice LARGE tank top and a nice soft LARGE zip-up hoodie or cardigan type thingy. Because really? Everything else will either not fit or will just add to the confusion. If it’s your first time, don’t screw around with nursing bras at this point. In fact, just wait with all the “nursing clothes” until you get home (I find “nursing clothes” to be utterly unnecessary; YMMV). Just wear a low-cut tank top that you can pull down. Unless you’ve done it before, the last thing you need is be floundering around trying to figure out all the hidden snaps and flaps while strangers, family, and friends you’ve not yet met file in and out of your hospital room.
And really? The above advice focuses solely on the practical. You should bring whatever you want. It’s damn near impossible to predict how you will feel, emotionally and physically, post-birth. You may want comfort things; you may just want to get the hell out of there. Pack in some candy. Some books. Some pictures. A little tasteful porn. Whatever. Your friends will be in charge of sneaking in the tequila- and espresso-filled chocolates.
So really, just bring whatever the hell you want. I’m going to go pack a back of socks.