Category Archives: Mmmmeat!

Superbowl: A Time to Celebrate the Miracle of Snack

I’m not a sports person.  I could care less who is playing whom.  I am more aware of what is going on in the world of North Carolina goat’s milk cheeses than that of sports.  It’s not the game.  If I happen to be in a room when a game is on, I will not protest and in fact will likely be somewhat interested in what is going on.  I like it when the players go beyond merely doing their job to getting it done in an elegant and sexy way.

I’m just not a fan.  Not of any sport, any team, or any player.  I thank my stint as a cocktail waitress in a Nashville sports bar for that.  I’m happy my livelihood no longer depends on UT winning.  Aside from status updates on Facebook, I pretty much know nothing about pro football.  Or any football.  Or any ball.  And I am happy.

That said, I am dimly aware that this weekend is the Superbowl.  And while I could just as happily regrout the kitchen, I must admit that I find myself getting a tad caught up in the true spirit of the Superbowl — the Spirit of Snack.  And even though Cletus the Fetus is making it incredibly difficult to eat or breathe these days, he has not impaired my supernatural snack making abilities.  While I generally prefer “real” foods, I do make serious exceptions for special events.

For example, pigs in a blanket:

Charcuterie en Pastry

Very simple.  Use biscuit dough or class it up and use teeny sausages and strips of puff pastry.  It’s still the same thing – weenies.  A nice variety of dipping sauces and you are good to go.

Let’s not forget, the mandatory crudite platter:

Yeah, that's bacon.

You can dump a container of Helluva Good Ranch dip in a cool bowl, or you can go the extra 2 feet and make your own.  I like to use 2 cups low-fat sour cream (this is the ONLY time you will EVER see me willingly use a ‘low-fat’ dairy product. I generally believe it is blasphemy) and 3 tablespoons of Penzey’s powdered Buttermilk Ranch dressing.  And crumble some bacon on top.  Duh.

Whatever you do, it should be easy.  And there should be a lot of it.  Because no matter where you fall on the Fan Scale, you aren’t doing it right if you don’t end the day with a bunch of mysterious food stains on your team jersey.

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Filed under Cultural Oddities, Food Pr0n, Mmmmeat!, Recipes

Guitars, Cadillacs…

…Jalapeno beef jerky.  My dear husband is a man of many talents. In addition to working for the Educational Machine on a daily basis (a/k/a/ “the Day Job”), he also plays the rock and roll. Not so much as he used to pre-spawn, but enough so that I am constantly pulling picks out of the lint trap in the dryer. Anyhoo, they played last night up at a joint a couple of hours away. Which means he gets home sometime after 3:00 a.m.

So, he crawls into bed smelling like bar — cigarette smoke with a dash of skank — and some other unexpected thing. The other thing, as it turns out, was jalapeno Slim Jims.

Mega barf, I know.

I think both he and K have been bitterly disappointed by the lack of beef jerky in this pregnancy. When I was pregnant with Lulu I went through a serious preserved meat phase, much to their delight. See, Pregnant Hussy is much more likely to not give a crap if everyone else is eating beef jerky and Ovaltine for dinner. While this pregnancy has seen a hot dog phase, a Combos phase, and a wedge salad phase, there has yet to be a beef jerky phase. Hence my husband comes home smelling like beefy-onion foot at 3 a.m.

Maybe I should get my husband a pair of Brief Jerky underpants

 

Brief Jerky by mixedspecies on Etsy

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Filed under Food Art, Mmmmeat!, Signs of the Apocalypse, The Rock and Roll, Wife Stuff